Plastic Doll with Toy Food

ode-on-a-grecian-butt:

A young, and incredibly handsome George Washington is taught the path of the warrior by none other than the Goddess of America, Herself.

George Washington is forced to defend his wife “Carol” from a dastardly British assassination attempt, led by the nefarious English officer Asura (far left).

John Adams does furious battle with a giant serpent

Benjamin Franklin fires an entire cannon with his bare hands as John Adams directs the fire.

Washington’s on the move in his carriage, whom the author points out with breathless amazement was only pulled by two - yes, *Only Two!* - horses! His trusty soldiers lead the way, with a star-less American flag proudly flying.

George Washington fights a tiger.

Franklin and Adams have had a falling out.

Adams has had enough, he gets on his horse and fires off an arrow at Franklin before speeding away.  Franklin doesn’t even flinch.

John Adams has gone to visit and take care of his mother in a touching display of filial piety.

While Adams’ back is turned, the snake he fought earlier has returned and eats his mother!

Adams beseeches the Fairy of the Mountain (I am deadass serious about ALL OF THIS) to lend him supernatural help in seeking revenge against the matrivorous serpent

The Mountain Fairy hears Adams’ desperate pleas, and enlists the aid of a Giant Bald Eagle (named Freedom) to do battle with this serpent

All is now well under Heaven! America reigns supreme, free from both giant beasts and British influence!

source 
I got this from the @thocpodcast

(via hajikelist)